Believing In Yourself

No More Can'ts

by Laura Interval

“I can’t lose weight,” my girlfriend tells me at lunch.
“Why not?” I ask.
“It’s just like my Dad told me, I’ll always be a big girl,” she answers.

And so, she can’t lose weight.

So many of us have limitations put on us by others and now, consciously or subconsciously we have adopted those beliefs as our truth. Over the years, we let comments, perceived failures and other people’s opinions become our own. We start to drag around all of these “can’ts” . . . steamer trunks full of limitations. These “can’ts” become our reference material for our own stories. Stories that can hold us back and keep us from achieving our goals.

Most of us have had the experience of being told that we have limitations by someone else. I have always loved to sing. When I was younger, I would make up songs, sing to the radio, sing for anyone who would listen. I sang out loud and proud and I thought I was good. I was already envisioning a career on Broadway. But, a single comment from my most precious best friend when I was 14 stayed with me for most of my life. “Laura, you’re too loud and you sing terrible!” I was devastated. All of this time I was singing and no one else told me? I mean, she was my best friend forever. I reasoned that she must be the only one who would tell me the truth. And so, I lost all confidence in performance and singing. I took on the belief that I couldn’t sing, that I couldn’t “carry a tune in a bucket”, and I gave up thinking that I ever would. The fact is I gave up on a passion of mine because I adopted limited language from someone else.

Sound familiar?

What limiting language have you incorporated into your own story? What do you tell yourself you can’t do? If you open your steamer trunk of “can’ts”, what do you find? You can’t make enough money? You can’t be a successful writer? You can’t start your own business?

The fact is the only one standing in your way is you. You and your limiting beliefs are cheating you out of achieving your goals. Your capabilities will expand only as your beliefs expand.

It’s time to challenge this limiting language. It’s time to become aware of what you tell yourself and take responsibility for it. I started dumping out this steamer trunk of mine and I want you to do the same. I want you to take this trunk of “can’ts”, this limited language luggage and clean it out completely. Once it’s empty, you can fill it full of possibilities.

So, take a look inside that trunk:

What are your can’ts?
Write them down. Every one of them. What have you told yourself that you can’t do?

Maybe you’ve tried something once unsuccessfully and gave up too easily?

What have you wanted to do, but haven’t because you just think you “can’t”?

Don’t judge, don’t gauge right now. Just write all the things you have believed that you can’t do. I don’t care if it feels silly. Small “can’ts” often add up to larger obstacles, so write down everything.

Now, rate these nasty little beliefs.
#1 being most important to you, something you still think about, something you miss, something you are regretting now having done.

Look at your number 1.

Take a moment and trace this belief back to the source. Where did this “can’t” come from? Who told you this? Where and when?
Can you place it? Can you identify the source?
(If not, it’s ok. Just identifying the “can’t” is enough.) But, it can be helpful to understand where the negative belief started. It’s not up to you to judge the source, just recognize it for what it is and give yourself the permission to let it go.
Strip it of its power over you.

That was in your past… and your past does not equal your future.

Change the “can’t” to a “can” RIGHT NOW.

Say it to yourself, out loud, call your friend, call your Mom, call your partner. Tell them that you just discovered that you can do this.

And now tell yourself how you are going to.

This exercise may seem simplistic, but it’s so important to break this pattern. You have learned from yourself that you have limitations. You have taught yourself that you can’t do something. It’s up to you to teach yourself that you can.

When I was 39, I enrolled in a singing/performance class in New York City. I was terrified. The night of the first class, I almost cancelled. But, because I still missed singing and wished I could carry a tune, I dragged myself and my big ol’ steamer trunk in there. After 6 weeks of a challenging, horrifying and yet life changing class, I performed to an enthusiastic full house at a nightclub in the city. It gave me power, energy and the determination to clean out the rest of that damned old trunk.

Your possibilities become endless when you realize that you and only you have the ability to put limitations on yourself. Watch your language. Become aware of your beliefs about your self and your capabilities. Do not, from this moment on, say anything disempowering to yourself or about yourself. Because as much as “can’t” becomes your truth, so will “can”. It’s up to you.

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."
~Eleanor Roosevelt





related articles:

Mind Power - Is Your Mind Making You Sick?

Values - Who Are You?

Self Image - Is Yours Yours?


return from Believing In Yourself to Creative Personal Development home