How To Be HappyWhat Is Your Happy?
by Laura Interval
I didn’t ask you “what makes you happy”? Or “when are you happy”? I asked WHAT is your happy? I’m challenging the language here. The problem is that we tend to say that something MAKES us happy. This implies that we need something outside of ourselves, a person, place or thing in order to feel that feeling we call happiness. It also implies that this alien object or geography can MAKE you unhappy. We have much more control than that. And I think it’s important to understand that you already have happy. It’s already there… within you. You just need to discover it, recover it and choose to be in touch with it. Nothing makes you happy, you have your happy. The definitions of happy: It seems simple enough. Joy, satisfaction, good luck . . . we all want and need these things, right? Then how can it be that even when you have everything you want, you can still be unhappy? You’ve acquired the car, you married the partner you love, you have money in the bank and you’re not happy. You thought you would feel different once you acquired these goals. Everyone told you these things would make you happy; they make your friend happy. But, what these definitions fail to tell you is that true lasting happiness can only be found within you. So, if that’s what you’re looking for and it’s still eluding you, it’s time to get quiet, turn inward and reconnect with your happy. Happy is not the same for everyone. What resonates with one person may not with the next. And we all feel it differently as well. Happy can be an emotion, a feeling and a physical sensation. You may feel joy and excitement. Someone else may feel peace and calm. You may want to scream and shout to the world. Someone else may want to be secluded and rest quietly. No one can tell you what yours is. But, it’s important to know that it resides within you and it is your choice to connect with it. One famous study of identical twins suggests that about 50% of one’s happiness depends on one’s genes. 10-15% results from variables such as socioeconomic status, marriage, health, income etc… and the remaining 35-40% is “unexplained”. So, we are not all created equal when it comes to happy. Some of us are more predisposed than others. But, we all have a fighting chance. You must begin by understanding that it is a choice you make. And once you determine what happy is for you, it is up to you to choose it and focus on it day after day. If you don’t, you leave yourself vulnerable to some 40% of unexplained “unhappiness”. So, what is happy to you? Think of a time when you felt truly happy, when you felt joy and satisfaction in your body. Say your happy time was when you were on vacation with your family at the beach. You were away from home, work and all other stresses. You swam everyday, built sandcastles, ate great food and slept soundly. When the trip came to an end and you walked back through your front door you were hit by stress and familiar unhappy feelings. Back to “real life” you say to yourself. So, you are going to tell me that it was the beach, the rental house, and the mattress that made you happy? I’ll give you that material things and fresh air can do some good, however, I’m betting it was more about the fact that you were taking the time to exercise, spend time with your family, eat right and sleep enough that made you truly happy. Why do we reserve these choices for isolated events? Why don’t we find a way to make the same choices at home? You’re making choices that connect to your happy. Why can’t you incorporate some of these activities into your “real life”? Right. Too busy, too stressed, too lazy? Who then, is responsible for your happiness? What actions were you taking? How were you taking care of yourself? Where was your focus? And now, why did your focus change? These answers will help you discover your happy. It is up to you to choose it everyday. Make it a priority. Choose to challenge the perceived obstacles and stresses that you associate with your “real life”. Make happy your “resting state”. Unfortunately, most of us allow stressful situations to shake our internal happiness. With awareness and clarity you can diffuse stress from a happy state of being. Take a moment to connect with your happy before you go to bed at night, choose happy when you open your eyes in the morning. It will change your daily perspective and decisions. If you start from stress, you’ll get more stress. If you start with happy, you will get more happy! And get real about what else in your life adds to your happiness. Most of us are not going to live cross legged in a monastery anytime soon, but are you longing for material possessions in hopes of filling a void? Reexamine what that object means to you and if it is actually more of a distraction or someone else’s idea than your choice of happiness. The people around you can make a difference in how you see yourself or feel about yourself. Make sure that you honor and support each other’s happy. If you find yourself continually challenged to maintain happiness because of an outside force, it is your responsibility to choose to get away.
“The foolish person seeks happiness in the distance;
So, you have your happy. Only you can grow it, control it and be responsible for it. Nothing can make you happy and nothing can take it away. It’s uniquely yours and it is what makes you unique. So, change your language and take control of the way you think about your happiness. When someone asks you “what makes you happy”? Simply answer, “Me”.
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