Deconstructing Jealousy

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Deconstructing Jealousy

by Laura Interval

We�ve all felt it at one time or another. Your stomach sinks as you�re hit with a chaotic mixture of feelings. We tend to think of jealousy as just one emotion, but when it hits you it can feel like anger, sadness, loneliness, hurt, anxiety, and/or paranoia. It can knock down your self-confidence and take your personal development achievements right down with it

Who has the time to waste? You simply can�t afford to let jealousy or envy distract you in the pursuit of your goals. So how then, to stop this �deadly sin�?

There are occasions for jealousy to arise in every aspect of life. Finances, Career, Relationships . . . If you are looking for them, you will always find someone doing better than you, right? They have more money, are higher up the career ladder, or have found the �perfect� mate. Or even worse, found YOUR perfect mate.

Ah. But, there are ways to control it. Even better, there are ways to turn that passionate energy into something positive.

Are you green?: (and I don�t mean ecologically)

The first step is awareness, recognizing when it has a hold of you. I think we all have a good idea of what jealousy means and when we feel it. But, as a refresher, here�s the formal definition from Encarta Dictionary:

� - bitter and unhappy because of another's advantages, possessions, or luck,
- suspicious about a rival's or competitor's influence, especially in regard to a loved one,
- possessively watchful of something, demanding of exclusive loyalty or adherence.�

Scientists have observed jealousy in infants as young as 5-6 months old. So, we�ve all been capable of it for a long time. Is it a behavior that you�ve come to accept from yourself?

Take a good look in the mirror:

In most cases, jealousy is 99% you and 1% the other factor. What I mean is whatever or who ever you are jealous of, is merely a symptom of what you are missing from yourself. Jealousy tends to mirror our own insecurities. We are jealous of something we think we should have, or want but don�t have yet. Or more than likely fear we will never have. So, the first step is to consider that your emotion is about YOU . . . not that outside force. Your jealousy is pointing directly at your own fear.

Face your fear:

The emotions associated with jealousy can cloud your clarity. Get clear on what is making you jealous. Concentrate on the thing or person that you are envious of and pinpoint what it is bringing up your fear. Are they getting more attention? Are they in better physical shape? Do they have more money? Your fear is coming from your perception of these things. You have the power to choose to change it. Identify it and know that you can do something about it.

Mind your own business:

�The grass is always greener� syndrome is pure fiction. Once again, it is your perception that you have chosen. Therefore, you can choose to change it. Let�s be honest, you have no idea what it is like to be in the other situation. You have only ideas and assumptions. Unless you can walk in their shoes for the day, you are wasting precious time focusing on lack. Why even speculate? Instead of wasting time on negative thoughts like, �I can�t believe she has that� or �He doesn�t deserve all that�, turn them into positive thoughts for yourself. Remind yourself of the law of attraction, and the power of living as if you already have what you want. Spend your time being productive on yourself with thoughts like �I will have that soon� or �I DO deserve all of that�. Like attracts like. You will get what you are thinking about. And it�s your choice. Turn your attention to how you can make your own grass greener.

Reset your goals:

Take a look at your goals (that I know you have worked through and are keeping handy, right?). My guess is that they are not high enough or not well enough thought out. If you have your goals set and you are working hard to achieve them, there is no time or room for jealousy. Because you know that you are going to have everything that you want, you are not fearful or threatened. Redo the setting goals workshop. And persist!

Keep your eyes open:

In Dante's Purgatory, the punishment for the envious is to have their eyes sewn shut with wire, because they have gained sinful pleasure from seeing others brought low. When you can be happy for another person�s success and happiness, you are allowing positive feelings to flow into your life. Instead of being angry and fearful, congratulate the other person. Don�t be held back by competition and envy, keep your eyes open and watch those around you achieve success. Know that the universe provides enough opportunities for all of us if you create it for yourself. Be grateful that success is around you and you will prosper from your positive focus.

"The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves."
~William Penn, Some Fruits of Solitude, 1693

Well, maybe we can�t stop jealousy from interrupting our lives from time to time, but we can choose how we deal with it. You can choose to focus on lack and feel lousy or focus on abundance and reap the benefits. On your road to pursuing your goals, I think the choice is clear. Keep your positive thoughts on your own green grass and leave the jealousy to those who have time to waste.

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