Do You Have
"Soft Addictions?"

by Laura Interval

Are you familiar with this term?

I wasn’t. But, I am now… and boy, do I understand it! Self help author Judith Wright coined this term and defines them as “seemingly harmless habits that actually keep us from the life we want”.

Now, I consider myself to be a focused, productive person. That said, on any given day… I am prone to lose hours of my day TV watching… or emailing/web surfing. I can come up with all kinds of good reasons while I’m doing it to justify continuing. I’ll watch Oprah… straight into Dr. Phil… straight into a marathon of “Top Chef”… and reason that I improved my understanding of the plight of African children, strengthened my communication skills with my family, and perfected my squash grilling technique. Three hours of absorbing information from television land… three hours that I could have been working towards my goals!

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that TV or the web isn’t a valuable resource, but I know for myself that I need to stay conscious of how and when I use them. Do you know what I mean?

Do you have a “soft addiction”? Think of your day. What robs you of your time? What drains you of your energy? Chances are, you have a soft addiction working against you.

In talking with my friends, I discovered that these addictions come disguised in what may sound like delightful activities. Shopping… emails… texting…eating… even getting a manicure/pedicure in one case, shows itself as a procrastinating habit. When asked to look closer at her time management, my girlfriend revealed that she often goes to have her nails done twice as much as anyone else I know. Why? Because it numbs her mind and allows her to “check out”. It is a seemingly harmless habit that in fact, is not harming anyone. But after a closer look, she admitted that it costs her time, money and energy that she could spend in a more positive way.

I have another girlfriend who I consider to be the hippest shopper. She always has the newest, sassiest clothing and seems to get it all at half the price! I never gave much thought to it just figuring she had special talents that I was not given. After discussing soft addictions, she admitted to me that her seemingly effortless shopping is an activity that has zapped her energy for years. She purchases items daily on impulse, takes them home only to return more than half of them to the store within the month. Although this causes her anxiety, she’s never put a direct correlation to the fact that actual shopping could be affecting her so negatively. Isn’t that how she used to reward herself for a job well done? Wasn’t that where she found joy on her time off?

That seems to be how it starts. The soft addiction can creep up and slowly transform into a negative energy. When I first began using emails, I was astounded and overjoyed by the ease and frequency of communicating with… well… everyone! Then, I began to use it for business… to forward manuscripts, videos, deal memos, even thank yous. I used my account with joy and ease and picked up the phone less and less. I was contacting twice as many people as I did before the email craze! How fantastic!! So, why then was I suddenly getting a headache every day? Why was I feeling overwhelmed and tired before noon? Because before I knew it, before I knew that I needed to control it, I was whipping through a crazy lot of emails each morning. In the time that I used to have my breakfast, read a few articles, take a walk, answer important phone calls, I was madly attached to my computer... basically overworking! I was sinking into the black hole of cyber correspondence…. only to resurface into the real world hours later tense and worn out. The reality is that when I started, I believed it was a GOOD thing!

It’s often difficult to acknowledge that these activities are indeed “addictions”. It is a very individual disorder. Over eating, drinking too much coffee, listening to too much music, even people pleasing can become someone’s soft addiction. Wikipedia states the word addiction is "used to describe a recurring compulsion by an individual to engage in some specific activity, despite harmful consequences to the individual's health, mental state or social life". I always associated the word addiction to drugs in the past… not my email habits. But, upon closer examination, I get it. And after declaring my TV watching and emailing as my soft addictions, I began to get a grasp on them and their negative affect. It takes declaration, understanding and discipline to turn them around. Why was I doing this? Why was I allowing my time and energy to just be wasted? The real question for me, what I really had to come to terms with, was what was I avoiding?

Here are a few questions to help you declare and deal with those time stealers:

- Do you have a bad habit or mood that you often have to justify to yourself or others?
- Do you often think to change or stop this behavior, but are unsuccessful in doing so?
- Do you find yourself irritated or annoyed while doing this behavior?
- Do you feel you could or should be doing something else more productive while engaging in this behavior?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are beginning to understand your soft addiction(s).

1. Declare your soft addiction.

2. What are you procrastinating? What are you hiding from? What is the addiction allowing you to escape?

3. What emotions and negative thoughts are you experiencing while you are engaging in your soft addiction?

4. How can you replace these emotions and thoughts with positive thoughts and feelings?

5. What positive activity can you do to take you away from this addiction?

So now, on a good day mind you, I have limited my email time to an hour a day (which is still a lot, I know… but better!). I rely on my TV guide and TIVO to manage my “constructive television schedule”. I am back to walking in the morning, reading/writing, and feeling relaxed past noon. I got a therapist and a journal to take the place of television therapy. And I am dealing with my relationship head on… and consciously.

Want to read more about "soft addictions"? Visit Judith Wright's website.

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Mind Power - Is Your Mind Making You Sick?



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