the four agreements

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The Four Agreements

- by Laura Interval

I guess I am what I would call a �worrier� by nature. In the past, if I didn�t pay close attention to myself, I was prone to spending too much time lost in speculative thought or self judgment. If I wasn�t careful, I could conjure up conflicts, situations, and misperceptions that would paralyze me with fear. Before I was aware, I would be irritated and exhausted by what I perceived to be reality. Then, I read �The Four Agreements�, and my perspectives changed. Based in the wisdom of the ancient Toltecs from Southern Mexico,,strong> Don Miguel Ruiz teaches us about the agreements we make with ourselves everyday and how they affect everything in our lives.

He explains, �Everything we do is based on agreements we have made - agreements with ourselves, with other people, with God, with life. But the most important agreements are the ones we make with ourselves. In these agreements we tell ourselves who we are, how to behave, what is possible, what is impossible. One single agreement is not such a problem, but we have many agreements that come from fear, deplete our energy, and diminish our self-worth."

The book goes on to describe the four agreements. If you can keep these agreements, you are doing all you can to live blissfully within the universe.

The agreements:

1. Be impeccable with your word -

"Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love."

This is so clear to me . . . and so much more difficult than it sounds. I�ve never been into gossiping� I�ve never really liked it and it often leaves me suspicious of the source. However, that said, to be �impeccable with your word� is a different story. That means to be impeccable with your intentions behind every word you say. To mean what you say� and follow through with every implication. Watch your words today. How many of them do you mean with every fiber of your being? How many do you toss out into the air carelessly or thoughtlessly? Are you really saying what you mean to be saying? You�ll find the more you do this, the clearer it will become. And you�ll discover the absolute power you hold in your words.

2. Don't take anything personally -

"Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won�t be the victim of needless suffering."

This one absolutely, positively changed my life. I wrote it on a sticky and put it near my computer for a very long time. Every time I felt a bit of self doubt creep in, I said that to myself� and made that agreement with myself. Almost ALWAYS, my self doubting was sparked by how I was translating what someone else had said to me. You will never know WHY someone says something; where they are coming from� what reality they exist in. But, if you know that it has nothing to do with you, you are released from any power it has over you. Take care of yourself and your own intentions. It was big for me to realize that I didn�t need to try to please everyone all of the time, that no matter what I did there were some people that I could never please� and it had nothing to do with me!

3. Don't make assumptions -

"Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life."

One of my best friends is a very good mom. In trying to teach her children to be good communicators, she says to them quite often, �use your words�. She patiently sits and listens, asking questions until they can find the right words to express what they are trying to say. That�s what this agreement is asking of us I think. So often, especially when we are upset, we just assume we know what the other person has said or meant� and react accordingly. There�s just no way we can know without complete patience and the courage to ask and listen until we are clear. Then, remember� if what they are saying is not what you want to hear, go back to #2� and don�t take it personally! Just accept a situation for what it is.

4. Always do your best -

"Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret."

Ah. Every time I read this one, it�s like a weight lifts from my chest. Stand behind what you do with everything that you are� 100%. At the end of each day, as you�re going to sleep, know that you have done your best. That�s it. That�s as good as it gets. . . Release the control, the expectation, the anxiety and know that you have done all you can do.

And if you haven�t, know that tomorrow you can try again. Tomorrow, you have a new opportunity to keep all of these agreements with yourself to the best of your ability. That is the simple beauty of these agreements. They are about you and your power. It puts your happiness, the state of your well being into your hands.

A few questions to consider:

1. Do you do things, make choices that you aren�t comfortable with
just to try to please others?

2. How much do you care about what other people think about you?

3. Are you aware of your thoughts about yourself? Are you often critical? Are you encouraging?

4. Do you have something about yourself that you are particularly sensitive or insecure about? Can you identify if the insecurity is based in your own belief or what you perceive to be someone else�s judgment?

5. Identify a worry you have on your mind right now. Apply the 4 agreements and see if you can resolve it and release it.

To own a copy of the book:

Are You Afraid to Succeed?

Mind Power - Is Your Mind Making You Sick?

Are You Letting Yourself Go?

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