Values

Who Are You?

by Laura Interval

We all have times in our lives when things just seem out of whack. We feel off balance or out of kilter and what used to be smooth and easy just isn’t. It may be subtle or it may knock you into full on unhappiness and depression. It can be difficult to put a finger on the exact cause but most likely, it has to do with your personal values.

What exactly do I mean by values? I’m talking about aspects of your life that define who you are as person. Beliefs, activities, conditions, morals, ethics, that when put together define who you are. They are what you know to be good and important to you as a fulfilled being. These values are what matters to you most and if you know what they are, you will know what you need to keep your balance. In fact, these values are the necessary ingredients that make you who you are.

So, the question is . . . . what are your personal values? I want a list. I am not talking material things. Not the survival needs like food, water and air. I’m talking about values. I’m talking about your top ten core desires that drive you everyday.

Seems like it should be an easy list to make. But when I went to make my list of ten, I had to really stop and think hard. I mean, I jotted down the first few quickly, they seemed obvious to me, but after about #6… I had to give it some honest conscious thought.

Your family, friends, society, even certain situations can heavily influence your values. Right now, I want you to make your own list. If you’ve done this before, I encourage you to do it again as your list inevitably changes with time.

Write down your top ten.

Your list of values may include:
Adventure
Charity
Creativity
Community
Friendship
Fun
Honesty
Health
Independence
Integrity
Knowledge
Learning
Love
Nature
Passion
Privacy
Respect
Security
Spirituality
Wealth

Take a good look at this list and see which words immediately jump out at you. Some of these words are just obviously you, right? And some may be less you. Don’t think too hard about this. Use your instincts. You know subconsciously, if not consciously what makes you feel right and whole. Just start writing them down.

OK…. Have your list of your most important values? Now, go back over it. Make sure that these are not what you think you should have, or what you think your partner wants you to have . . .. these values are all you.

Now, put them in order of importance numbered 1 – 10 . . . 1 being the most important to you.

This list is who you are. This is your identity. These are your ingredients.

This list is your key to knowing what must be in your life to keep your well being on track. It is an important tool to understanding your path to achieving your goals and your life purpose. If you are making choices that aren’t true to your values, you will go off track. If it’s not on your list, it’s not who you are. It’s that simple.

Stress and emotion can cause us to question or stray from these values. Pay attention. Be clear and make conscious choices with your list in mind. If a decision compromises this list, it will not bring you the success you want.


I asked an unhappy client of mine to make her list. When we looked at it together, I saw that performance and music were very high up for her. She’s an incredibly talented pianist and I remember hearing her play at different events, but it had been a while. When I asked her about it, she said in a wistful tone, “oh yes, music is so important. I just don’t have the time to play right now, but I’ll get back to it…” Hm…. Why do we so often do this to ourselves? She had allowed LIFE to steal away one of her values. She had taken a new job, had a child, committed herself to other activities and pushed the piano right out of her life. Yet, it was still high on her list. It doesn’t work! You must have what matters most in your life – in your life! She made adjustments, and began to play again. She immediately felt inspired, she felt more energetic and positive. She found that music is not a sacrifice that she could make and still feel successful. She also found she feels more successful in her life as a whole, as a mother, wife, businesswoman and musician when she keeps to her list.



Of course, we all have to make sacrifices at different times. But, consider sacrificing number 9 or 10.

This list can guide you through any trouble you may have. If you are unhappy in your job, for example, get clear on why. If nature is really high on your value list, you will not be happy if you are overworking in an office cubicle. If community is important, living on a farm in the middle of nowhere is not going to meet your needs.

This list is an important tool for relationships as well. All human relationships, your spouse, friends etc… are really just the coming together of two lists of these ingredients. Share your value list. You will learn a lot about each other, gaining insight and knowledge for communication. Consider what values you have in common and where you differ. This will reveal your strengths and weaknesses as a team and help you understand each other’s motives.

Keep this list current and keep it handy. Use it to write your mission statement. It is the key to stating your life’s purpose.

There is true satisfaction in making this list and declaring your values. It’s like lifting weights or eating a good healthy meal. It makes you feel strong and grounded. Your list should inspire you and make you feel proud. It should propel you to achieve your goals. It is what you stand for. It is what matters to you most. It is YOU.

related articles:

Identity Crisis

Finding Yourself - Are You Lost on the Journey?

Wishful Believing


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